Grief Handbook, Part 25

I couldn’t sleep last night, and I woke early this morning.

My medicines have been adjusted, so that may be the cause of the sleeplessness, but I want to take advantage of waking up early to enjoy the sunrise, to get some work done, and to just be.

My wise friend, Sunny, often tells me that I never take the time just to be: be myself, be in the moment, be here, presently.  This is, sadly, very true; I don’t know how to live in the moment.  I think the only times I do live in the moment is when I’m experiencing my overwhelming grief.  Then, there is no escape from it.

But right now, my husband is sleeping, the dogs are awake, but only lightly whimpering from the other room, and I’m drinking my favorite coffee (PJ’s Coffee Carnival Blend).  I have ideas for the rewriting of Marvel among the Demons, and a stack of letters to read and respond to.

This week, it’s not only Thanksgiving but also my 10-year wedding anniversary.  I will focus on the happy, try to, anyhow, and try not to dwell so much on the sad.

But I miss her.  So, so much.  I miss my mom.

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