Week Two, ruptures

It has been an insane week in America, Reader, and it has absorbed my attention. But I finally finished reading one of the books I was stalled on for a project, so I’m moving on to the other four (!!!) I have to read and write about.

My classes are ready virtually and in person. I just need to make videos and prep for class next week. I’m looking forward to the semester starting. I thrive on a schedule, and teaching gives me parameters. Without schedule, without routine, I rupture, I fall apart at the seams. Part of it is just routine, but most of it is because my brain is wired differently. Free time, for me, is a direct cause of panic attacks. I do not do well with free time. I can do DOWN time, yes. Work during the morning and early afternoon and then read or watch TV the rest of the day. I can handle that. But I have tried to take a day or weekend off, and ended up having some of the worst panic attacks of my life.

So having a schedule is important to me. Starting next week, I will write for half an hour, do yoga, and get ready for class (TR). MWF I will write and do yoga, and then work on academic writing in the morning and classwork in the afternoon. This is all flexible, of course, in case a meeting comes up or something, but I have a lot of work to do between now and next March.

listening: The Heater just kicked on. The rest of my little family is asleep.

reading: Harrow the Ninth, How to Be an AntiRacist


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